I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
