your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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