I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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