nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
