Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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