then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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