I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
