whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
