i just wanna soil my oats bro
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
