dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
