I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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