So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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