she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
