If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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