It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
