Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
