idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
