Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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