Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
