i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
