I'm going to rape someone's good day.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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