The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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