he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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