I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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