Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
