Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
