seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This is the prime rib incident all over again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
