please come you make the beer taste better
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
