saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
