Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize