found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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