Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
