he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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