Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
