It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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