Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize