I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
