were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
