I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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