He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
