The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Randomize
