I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
