So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize