saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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