we have officially lost it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize