I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
