Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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