I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
