giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
