all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize