I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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