I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
