i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
