Pappa wants mamma naked
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
