I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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