she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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