she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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