I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize