omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
