Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
