Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
