Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize