took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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