I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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