I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
