I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
