i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
