ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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