We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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