I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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