I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize