Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
