my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
