im drinking this country out of the recession.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
