Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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