Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
