I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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