Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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