just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
this boner is exhausting
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
