He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
