the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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