The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
