Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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