**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
